Flash back emotions

When i was a kid and i was running late for something or i was unprepared i would start to cry and not want to leave the house, this great surge of panic would come over me. I would say there was no point i've ruined everything, or i cant do it. There was nothing in the world that would get me out the door. Thats my first memory of stress.

This week i've been feeling a bit the same. I have so much on and i feel like i cant remember anything. Im going to forget to do something or forget to go some where. I didnt panic like i did when i was a kid. But i didnt want to leave the house. I had to force myself to and it was like i was dragging myself by the collor all the way.

I got through it, i have know memory of how. But i did.

I wonder how i looked on the outside.

Thats something else i wonder about. The other day i was in the worst mood. I felt like when i spoke a canon was going off in my mouth, my expression was fixed in angry mode and my hair was standing up on end all day. I appologised the next day to anyone i had spoken to, sure that i must have been acting weird or been mean. But everyone said "i didnt notice anything weird, you where your normal self". I find that really concerning. I wish i could step out of myself and see how i am to others. It makes me feel like im not being real. Or is it that know one really takes notice.

Hummmm